Pre-Birth Orders and Surrogacy Agreements: My Absolute Favorite Work
I'm going to be honest with y'all. Out of all the legal work I do, helping families navigate surrogacy and secure pre-birth orders is hands down my favorite thing ever.
There's something incredibly powerful about helping someone become a parent. About making sure that when a baby is born through surrogacy or assisted reproductive technology, the intended parents are legally recognized from day one. About removing the fear and uncertainty that can overshadow what should be one of the most joyful moments of someone's life.
This work matters. And in North Carolina, where we still don't have comprehensive surrogacy laws on the books, it matters even more.
What's a Pre-Birth Order Anyway?
A pre-birth order is a court order issued before a baby is born that establishes who the legal parents are. It's typically used in surrogacy situations, where the person carrying the baby (the surrogate or gestational carrier) is not going to be the baby's legal parent.
Without a pre-birth order, the birth certificate would automatically list the person who gave birth as the mother, even though everyone involved knows that's not accurate. With a pre-birth order, the birth certificate reflects the actual intended parents from the start.
This means:
The intended parents are recognized as legal parents immediately
There's no adoption process needed
The birth certificate is accurate from day one
Everyone has clarity and legal protection
For same-sex couples, single parents by choice, and anyone using a surrogate, pre-birth orders are essential.
Why North Carolina Makes This Complicated
Here's the frustrating part: North Carolina doesn't have a comprehensive surrogacy statute. We have one statute that references assisted reproductive technology, but it's not enough.
What this means in practice is that every pre-birth order requires careful legal work. We're working within a framework that wasn't designed for modern families, and we have to be strategic about how we present these cases to courts.
Some counties are more experienced with these cases than others. Some judges get it immediately; others need more education. It's not that they're necessarily hostile. They just haven't seen many of these cases, especially in more rural areas.
That's where having an attorney who knows this area inside and out makes all the difference. I understand the legal arguments, what documentation courts want to see, and how to present your case.
The Surrogacy Agreement Comes First
Before you ever get to a pre-birth order, you need a rock-solid surrogacy agreement.
A surrogacy agreement is a contract between the intended parents and the gestational carrier that spells out everyone's rights, responsibilities, and expectations. It covers everything:
Medical Decisions: Who makes decisions during pregnancy? What happens if there are complications? What about selective reduction if there are multiples?
Financial Arrangements: Compensation for the carrier, medical expenses, maternity clothes, lost wages, health insurance. All of it needs to be crystal clear.
Legal Parentage: The agreement confirms that the intended parents will be the legal parents and that the carrier has no intention of keeping the baby.
What Happens If: Scenarios nobody wants to think about but everyone needs to address. What if the intended parents split up during the pregnancy? What if the baby has severe medical issues? What if the carrier wants to terminate the pregnancy?
Both the intended parents and the gestational carrier need their own attorneys for this. It's not optional. It's essential. Everyone needs independent legal advice to make sure they understand what they're agreeing to and that their interests are protected.
Why This Work Matters to Me
I became a lawyer because I wanted to help people. And there's no client more grateful, more excited, more invested in the process than someone who's finally going to become a parent after years of trying, or someone who never thought parenthood would be possible for them.
I love working with:
Gay couples who've been together for decades and finally get to start their family
Single men and women who want to be parents but don't have a partner
Trans folks building the families they've always wanted
Heterosexual couples dealing with infertility
And anyone in between
Every single one of these families deserves the same legal protections and recognition as any other family. And every single one of them deserves an attorney who's going to fight to make sure they get it.
Diverse Family Structures, Same Legal Needs
One of the things I love most about this area of law is the diversity of families I get to work with.
Two dads using an egg donor and surrogate. A single mom by choice using a sperm donor. A lesbian couple where one partner carries a baby conceived with the other partner's eggs. A trans man carrying his own biological child. A couple using both an egg donor and a gestational carrier.
Every family structure is different. Every path to parenthood is unique. But everyone needs the same thing: clear legal recognition and protection.
At Balbach & Davenport Legal, we don't discriminate. Period. If you're building a family, we're here to help make sure you're legally protected every step of the way.
What About Donor Agreements?
Surrogacy isn't the only way people use assisted reproductive technology to build families. Donor agreements are just as important.
If you're using a known sperm donor, maybe a friend, maybe a family member of your partner then you absolutely need a donor agreement. This contract makes it clear that the donor is not a legal parent, has no parental rights or responsibilities, and will not be involved in raising the child (unless that's something you all agree to).
Without a donor agreement, a known donor could potentially claim parental rights later. I know you trust your friend now, but life changes. People change. Protect yourself with a clear legal agreement upfront.
The same goes for known egg donors, though egg donation is less common than sperm donation simply because it's more medically involved.
If you're using an anonymous donor through a sperm bank or egg donor agency, you typically don't need a separate agreement since the agency handles that. But if it's anyone you know personally, get it in writing.
Second Parent Adoption: The Backup Plan
In some situations, we also pursue second parent adoption. This is when one partner or spouse legally adopts a child that their partner gave birth to or is already the legal parent of.
It's especially important for same-sex couples. While marriage equality means married same-sex couples should have the same parental recognition as different-sex couples, not every state or institution has caught up. A second parent adoption eliminates any possible challenge.
Is it frustrating that same-sex couples sometimes need extra legal steps to protect their families? Absolutely. But until we have nationwide legal clarity, I'm going to make sure my clients have every protection available.
The Future I Want to See
North Carolina needs to do better. We need comprehensive surrogacy laws. We need to adopt the Uniform Parentage Act. We need clear legal frameworks that recognize the reality of modern families.
Until that happens, I'm going to keep doing this work. I'm going to keep filing pre-birth orders and drafting surrogacy agreements and making sure that every family I work with has the legal protection they need.
Because every family deserves to be recognized. Every child deserves to have their parents' names on their birth certificate from day one. And every person who wants to be a parent should have access to the legal tools that make that possible.
If You're Building Your Family
If you're considering surrogacy, using a donor, or pursuing any form of assisted reproductive technology, let's talk.
This is complex legal territory, and you need an attorney who knows it well. You need someone who's going to advocate for your family structure, whatever that looks like. You need someone who genuinely loves this work and will treat your case with the care and attention it deserves.
That's exactly what you'll get working with me. I’m here for all families, in all their beautiful diversity.
Let's make sure your path to parenthood is legally protected from day one.
This is genuinely my favorite work, and I'd be honored to help you build your family. I'm Melenni Balbach, and at Balbach & Davenport Legal, we celebrate every kind of family and fight to make sure you're legally protected. Reach out anytime - I can't wait to hear your story.
- Melenni
