New Year, New Chapter: Life After Divorce

January is the busiest month for divorce filings. Every year, like clockwork, family law attorneys see a surge of people who made it through the holidays and decided they're done.

Maybe that's you. Maybe you spent Thanksgiving putting on a brave face, got through Christmas for the kids, and now you're sitting here in January thinking, "I can't do another year like this."

If that's where you are, I want you to know something: you're not alone, you're not broken, and there is absolutely a path forward.

Why January Feels Like the Right Time

There's something about the new year that gives us permission to make big changes. It's like the universe is saying, "Here's your fresh start. What are you going to do with it?"

For a lot of people, that fresh start includes finally addressing a marriage that isn't working. Maybe you've been thinking about it for months or even years. Maybe the holidays made everything crystal clear. Maybe you're just tired of pretending.

Whatever brought you here, January's energy of new beginnings actually makes this the perfect time to start planning your next chapter.

The Myths That Keep People Stuck

Before we talk about moving forward, let's bust some myths that keep people trapped in unhappy marriages:

• "Divorce will destroy my kids." Research actually shows that kids do better in two happy homes than in one miserable one. What hurts kids isn't divorce itself—it's prolonged conflict and tension. If you and your spouse can end your marriage respectfully (and yes, that's possible), your kids will be okay.

• "I can't afford to get divorced." Divorce does have costs, but staying in an unhealthy marriage has costs too, emotional, mental, sometimes even physical. Plus, there are ways to keep divorce costs reasonable, like collaborative divorce or mediation, which we'll talk about in a minute.

• "I'll lose everything." North Carolina is an equitable distribution state, which means assets get divided fairly. Not necessarily equally, but fairly. You're not going to be left with nothing. The goal is for both parties to move forward with what they need.

• "I have to prove my spouse did something terrible." North Carolina allows no-fault divorce. After you've been separated for a year, either spouse can get divorced without having to prove wrongdoing. You don't need to air your spouse's dirty laundry in court.

What "Starting Over" Really Looks Like

Here's the truth about life after divorce: it's hard at first, then it gets easier, and eventually, most people look back and realize it was the right choice.

The first few months are usually the toughest. You're grieving the end of your marriage, adjusting to new routines, dealing with logistics. It feels overwhelming because it is overwhelming. That's normal.

But then things start to settle. You figure out your co-parenting rhythm. You get used to your new living situation. You start to remember who you were before this relationship, and who you want to be moving forward.

And here's what nobody tells you: there's a kind of peace that comes with not being in conflict anymore. When you're not walking on eggshells or having the same fight over and over or feeling that constant tension. There's space for you to breathe again.

Collaborative Divorce: A Different Way Forward

At Balbach & Davenport Legal, we focus on collaborative divorce. This isn't your stereotypical scorched-earth, fight-over-everything divorce. This is about working together to dissolve your marriage in a way that respects both parties and prioritizes your kids.

Here's how collaborative divorce works:

Both spouses agree upfront to resolve everything outside of court. You each have your own attorney (you need someone in your corner), but instead of battling it out in a courtroom, we all sit down together and work through the issues.

We tackle the big stuff: property division, child custody and visitation, child support, spousal support, debt allocation. Everything gets addressed, but in a problem-solving way rather than an adversarial way.

The benefits are huge. It's typically faster than traditional divorce. It's usually less expensive because you're not paying attorneys to fight in court. It's less stressful because you're making decisions together instead of leaving everything up to a judge. And it's better for your kids because it models respectful conflict resolution.

Collaborative divorce isn't right for every situation. If there's domestic violence or one party is completely unwilling to negotiate fairly, litigation might be necessary. But for couples who are ready to move forward and just want to do it as peacefully as possible? Collaborative divorce is often the best path.

The Practical Stuff Nobody Talks About

Let's get real for a minute about the logistics of starting over:

You need your own bank account. If you're still sharing finances with your spouse, it's time to open an account in just your name. Start directing your paycheck there. This isn't sneaky, it's protecting yourself.

You need to understand your financial situation. Before you can divide assets, you need to know what you have. Gather bank statements, retirement account statements, mortgage information, credit card statements. Make copies of everything.

You need a separation agreement. In North Carolina, you have to live separately for a year before you can file for divorce. A separation agreement can address custody, support, and property division during that year. It makes everything clearer and prevents conflicts.

You need to update your estate planning documents. If your will says everything goes to your spouse, or if your spouse is your healthcare power of attorney, you probably want to change that. We can help with that too.

You need support. Whether it's therapy, friends, family, or a support group, you can't go through this alone. And honestly? Most people find that once they start the divorce process, they have more support than they realized.

What About the Kids?

If you have kids, they're probably your biggest concern. That's exactly as it should be.

Here's the framework we use: your divorce is about you and your spouse. Your co-parenting relationship is about your kids. Those are two separate things.

Yes, you're ending your marriage. But you're not ending your family, you're restructuring it. The goal is to create a custody arrangement that prioritizes your kids' stability and maintains their relationship with both parents.

We focus on creating detailed parenting plans that cover everything from the regular custody schedule to holidays to decision-making authority about school and medical care. The more specific you can be upfront, the fewer conflicts you'll have later.

And here's something important: kids are resilient. What they need most is to know they're loved, to maintain routines where possible, and to not be put in the middle of adult conflicts. If you and your co-parent can manage that, your kids will adjust.

The Name Change Question

A lot of people wonder about changing their name back after divorce. The answer is: it's completely up to you, and it's easier than you might think.

North Carolina allows you to include a name change in your divorce decree. If you want to go back to your maiden name (or any previous name you've used), we can make that happen as part of your divorce. No separate court proceeding needed.

Some people feel strongly about changing their name back. Others keep their married name, especially if they have kids with that last name. There's no right answer, only what feels right for you.

What Comes Next

If you're reading this and thinking, "Yes, this is what I need to do," here's what the next steps look like:

First, you schedule a consultation. We'll talk about your situation, your goals, and whether collaborative divorce is right for you. This conversation is confidential, and there's no pressure.

Second, if you decide to move forward, we start gathering information and planning your approach. We'll talk about custody arrangements, property division, and what you're hoping for in your settlement.

Third, we start the collaborative process. If your spouse has an attorney, we coordinate with them. If not, we can help your spouse understand why having representation is important for both of you.

Throughout the process, we're here to answer questions, provide guidance, and advocate for your interests. This is your divorce, and you're in the driver's seat. We're just here to help you navigate.

You're Allowed to Want More

Here's something I want you to hear: you're allowed to want more than you have. You're allowed to want a partnership that feels like a partnership. You're allowed to want peace in your home. You're allowed to want to feel like yourself again.

Staying in a marriage that doesn't work doesn't make you noble, it just makes you tired.

Starting over is scary. Of course it is. You're leaving behind something familiar, even if that familiar thing was making you miserable. But on the other side of that fear? There's possibility. There's freedom. There's a chance to build a life that actually feels like yours.

The Fresh Start You Deserve

This January, while everyone else is talking about diets and exercise routines, maybe your fresh start looks different. Maybe it's finally taking the step you've been thinking about for too long.

Maybe it's choosing peace over conflict. Maybe it's modeling for your kids what it looks like to make hard choices for the right reasons. Maybe it's simply giving yourself permission to be happy.

Whatever your reason, you don't have to do this alone. You don't have to figure everything out before you take the first step. You just have to be ready to start.

And if you're reading this, chances are you're ready.

I know this stuff isn't easy to think about, but you don't have to figure it out alone. I'm Melenni, and I promise we can get through this without the intimidation factor of a traditional law office. Reach out when you're ready - I'm here.

Best,

Melenni Balbach

Balbach & Davenport Legal