Throwing Chairs and Citing Trauma: What the Taylor Frankie Paul Situation Gets Wrong About Reactive Abuse

If you've been anywhere near the internet this week, you already know. Taylor Frankie Paul, "MomTok" queen and former face of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, had her season of The Bachelorette canceled by ABC after TMZ released video footage of her throwing metal chairs at her ex-boyfriend Dakota Mortensen during a 2023 altercation. And a child was in the room.

That was last week. This week, we're learning there's now a third domestic violence investigation involving the same two people.

I'm a family law attorney. This situation has so many legal layers I couldn't stay quiet. So let's talk about it, because there are real concepts buried under all the reality TV drama that y'all deserve to understand.

First, What Actually Happened (The Legal Cliff Notes)

In February 2023, Taylor was arrested after throwing metal chairs and other objects at Dakota. One of her minor children was struck during the incident. She was charged with felony aggravated assault, two counts of felony domestic violence in the presence of a child causing injury, misdemeanor child abuse, and criminal mischief.

In August 2025, Taylor pleaded guilty in abeyance to the aggravated assault charge. The other four charges were dismissed. A guilty plea in abeyance means the conviction doesn't appear on her record if she completes probation successfully. She was placed on three years' probation, set to end this coming August.

Then in February 2026, there was another incident. The Draper City Police Department opened a domestic assault investigation, with allegations going in both directions. Dakota was granted temporary custody of their son, Ever. A protective order was approved against Taylor on March 20, 2026, requiring her to stay at least 100 feet away from Dakota and prohibiting all contact. And now, Dakota has reported a third alleged incident to a separate police department, this one allegedly from 2024.

This is a lot. So let's break down the legal concepts at play.

What Is an Ex Parte Order, and Why Does It Matter Here?

"Ex parte" is Latin for "from one side." In family law, an ex parte order is a court order granted based on one party's request, without the other party being present or given the opportunity to respond beforehand.

You might be wondering: isn't that unfair? Shouldn't both sides get to speak?

Under normal circumstances, yes. Both parties absolutely get their day in court. But ex parte orders exist because sometimes waiting for a full hearing creates immediate danger. If someone is being abused and needs protection right now, the court isn't going to say "great, we'll schedule that for six weeks from now, good luck."

In domestic violence and family law situations, ex parte orders are most commonly used for:

• Emergency protective orders (also called restraining orders) to prohibit contact or require one party to stay a certain distance away

• Temporary custody orders when a child's safety or wellbeing is at immediate risk

The key word in all of this is temporary. An ex parte order is not a final ruling. It's a stopgap measure. After the order is granted, the other party is notified and given the opportunity to appear at a full hearing where both sides can present evidence and testimony. The judge then decides whether to let the order stand, modify it, or dissolve it entirely.

In Taylor's case, Dakota was granted a temporary ex parte custody order for their son Ever, and a protective order was issued prohibiting Taylor from contacting Dakota. Those are two separate orders addressing two separate concerns: the child's immediate welfare, and Dakota's personal safety.

Here's what I want y'all to understand: these orders being granted doesn't mean the court has decided Taylor is guilty of anything. It means a judge looked at what was presented and determined there was enough reason to put protections in place while the full facts are sorted out. The process continues from here.

Now Let's Talk About Reactive Abuse, Because This Is Where It Gets Complicated

Taylor's team has publicly stated that she was a victim of "extensive mental and physical abuse" by Dakota and that the 2023 video released by TMZ was "selectively edited." Her rep has framed Taylor as someone "gaining strength to face her accuser" and taking steps to protect herself and her children from further harm.

This is where the concept of reactive abuse is entering the conversation, even if it hasn't been named directly.

Reactive abuse is a real psychological phenomenon. It occurs when an abuser deliberately provokes their victim, often through manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional cruelty, until the victim reaches a breaking point and reacts, sometimes explosively. The abuser then points to the victim's reaction as "proof" that the victim is actually the violent or unstable one. It is a known tactic in abusive relationships, and it is genuinely used to discredit survivors.

I want to be clear: reactive abuse is real, it happens, and it deserves to be taken seriously.

And.

Reactive abuse does not justify throwing metal chairs at someone while a child is in the room.

Those two things can both be true at the same time, and I think that is where this conversation keeps getting derailed.

If Dakota was psychologically abusing Taylor, manipulating her, provoking her intentionally, that is absolutely relevant context for understanding the relationship dynamic. It might speak to her mental state. It might be raised in her defense in ongoing proceedings. It might affect how people view the relationship as a whole.

But "he drove me to it" is not a legal defense to felony aggravated assault. And it is not a moral pass for a child being struck by a chair you threw. The allegations against Dakota, if true, are serious and should be investigated and addressed. The harm Taylor caused in that 2023 incident is also serious, was investigated, and she pled guilty. Both of those things exist simultaneously.

What I see happening online is people choosing a team. Either Taylor is a victim who deserves compassion, or she is a dangerous person who should be condemned. The reality of abusive relationships, especially ones that are mutually volatile, is almost never that clean. It is possible to be harmed by someone and also harm them in return. Courts have to sort through all of that. That is why we have processes like ex parte hearings and full evidentiary hearings that follow them.

My Honest Take on Both of Them

Let me be direct, because that is how I operate.

Taylor Frankie Paul threw chairs. She struck a child. She admitted it. She pled guilty. Whatever was said or done before that moment does not change what happened in it. The children in that home deserve better, and so does any adult in a relationship where violence becomes normalized as a response to conflict. If Taylor has genuinely been abused, I hope she gets real support, not a reality TV platform that rewards chaos.

Dakota Mortensen, from what has been reported publicly, is not innocent in this dynamic either. The cheating. The alleged provocation. The allegations now going in "both directions" in the February 2026 incident. The fact that he released a video on their son's birthday. None of that is the behavior of someone committed to protecting their child from harm. If the allegations against him are substantiated, he should face consequences too.

And their son, Ever, and Taylor's daughters from her previous marriage? They are the ones actually living inside all of this. That is what keeps me up at night as a family law attorney. Not the canceled Bachelorette season. The kids.

What This Means for Anyone Watching From Home

If you are in a relationship that has become volatile, where you feel provoked, manipulated, or pushed past your limits, please reach out for help before it escalates to something that cannot be undone. Reactive patterns in abusive relationships are incredibly difficult to break without outside support. There is no shame in needing help getting out.

If you have questions about protective orders, custody modifications, or how emergency legal relief works in North Carolina, I am happy to talk through what your options look like.

That is the kind of law I do. Real people, real situations, no judgment about how you got here.

Melenni Balbach is a co-founding attorney at Balbach & Davenport Legal, a virtual family law and estate planning firm based in Carolina Beach, NC, serving clients statewide. Questions? Reach out at melenni@balbachdavenportlegal.com or call 910.701.0236.