The Pre-Nup Conversation: How to Talk About It Without Ruining Thanksgiving
So you want to talk to your fiancé about a prenup, and you're pretty sure it's going to go over like a lead balloon.
Here's what I hear all the time: "If I bring up a prenup, they're going to think I don't trust them." Or: "It's going to feel unromantic." Or my personal favorite: "My mom said it's basically planning for a divorce."
Okay, let me be direct: that's all fear talking. And I get it. But a prenup is actually one of the most loving things you can do.
Why a Prenup Isn't About "Planning for Failure"
Think about it this way, you have car insurance. That doesn't mean you're planning to crash. You have home insurance. That doesn't mean you're expecting your house to burn down. A prenup is the same thing. It's insurance. It's a conversation that says, "I love you, and I want to make sure we both know exactly what happens if life takes an unexpected turn."
That's it. That's the whole thing.
Real Talk: Why People Actually Need Prenups
You have kids from a previous relationship. This is HUGE. A prenup protects your kids' inheritance. Without one, your new spouse could potentially claim a portion of what you intended for your kids.
You own a business. If you get divorced without a prenup, your business could be considered marital property. That's messy.
You have significant assets or debt. Maybe you came into money. Maybe your family did. Maybe you have student loans. A prenup protects both of you.
You want clarity. Honestly? This is the best reason. Knowing exactly how finances work if things go south means you can actually focus on your marriage instead of worrying about what-ifs.
How to Actually Have This Conversation
Step 1: Pick the right time. Not at dinner. Not when you're stressed. Definitely not during a family gathering (so maybe this week isn't the time for this one). Pick a calm moment when you can actually talk.
Step 2: Lead with the real reason. Don't say, "I don't trust you." Say: "I want to make sure we're both protected. I have [kids/a business/assets], and I want to make sure they're secure. And I want to make sure you're protected too."
Step 3: Make it collaborative. This isn't you versus them. This is you and them against potential problems. "Let's sit down with an attorney and figure out what makes sense for both of us."
Step 4: Acknowledge their feelings. If they're upset, don't dismiss it. "I know this feels weird. It felt weird to me too at first. But here's why it actually matters..."
Step 5: Get a lawyer. Don't try to DIY this. Seriously. A prenup that isn't done right is a prenup that's not enforceable, which defeats the entire purpose.
What Actually Goes in a Prenup?
How you'll handle finances during the marriage
What's considered separate property vs. marital property
What happens to your business (if you have one)
How debt is handled
What happens if you divorce (alimony, property division, etc.)
Inheritance and life insurance
Anything else that matters to you
The Gilmore Girls Moment (Part 2)
Remember when Rory had everything planned out, except when she didn't? And then things got messy? A prenup is literally the opposite of that chaos. It's saying, "Let's be intentional about this. Let's talk about the hard stuff now so we don't have to figure it out later with lawyers and courts involved."
North Carolina Prenup Laws
In North Carolina, prenups are totally legal and enforceable as long as they're done right. They need to be in writing, signed by both parties, and ideally notarized. Both of you should have separate attorneys (or at least know you could have). And they can't be unconscionable. Basically, they can't be completely one-sided and unfair.
Real Talk: Is a Prenup for Everyone?
Honestly? Probably not. If you're marrying someone you've known forever, you're both starting from scratch financially, and there's no complicated family situation? Maybe you don't need one.
But if you have kids, a business, significant assets, or just want clarity? Get one. It's not romantic to not talk about this stuff. It's actually way more romantic to go into marriage with clear communication and mutual protection.
Ready to Talk About a Prenup?
If you're in North Carolina and you need help navigating this conversation, or you're ready to actually draw one up, let's talk. I help couples have this conversation all the time, and I promise it doesn't have to be weird.
Schedule a consultation. We'll talk about whether a prenup makes sense for you and how to approach it with your partner.
